Heartsongs

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~Author Unknown



The dream: instead of buying into a pre-made Paradise, we will be creating a Paradise of our own.
That is true of us, even if by some miracle we keep this place.
*I have posted some photos of what we’re dealing with here, so you can SEE for yourself really how unfit this 10-acre property is for many kinds of production schemes. They are kind of scattered within various posts. 

In the past, well, I collected ideas for years and years (about 5 years) of what I wanted to add to this place. You know, using the old “house equity as credit card” mentality. Just in case we ever could. Because, well, we did that before, and things worked out perfectly fine. I had such plans for this place!

~Enclosing under the deck where there is currently a completely useless porch, so that it would become a small rustic wine room of sorts. Half-barrel tables, rich old-world colors, a wall mural surround, wines to taste with various cheese plates, music piped in... a place to play at sophistication and learn things, while feeling a bit decadent in a casual way.

~Adding a room addition for an indoor exercise pool. Or at least a gazebo room on the deck for mid-winter soaks in the hot tub (now not functioning and taking up the space under the deck, the cover of it sagging with each load of ice that develops when the snow melts thru the deck.)

~Finishing the attic so I’d have a space to spread out my paints and canvases.

But this is a different world with new normals. And these are faded dreams – like a rose bud that has begun to wrinkle, getting dry, crispy, edges before it ever bloomed. I'm having to make myself stick to them, or else I'll curl up on the couch in front of the mind-deadening TV all day (give up on everything).

Things are different now and I see things in a new light; It’s no way to live, just living to work, existing to pay off a loan you can never pay down. Paradise no longer means the same thing. But maybe that's a good thing too.
Rather than feel I live in an increasingly better house, I would prefer to see what I can do in increasingly better ways, seeing what I can produce from -what seems like nothing.
I would prefer to see the literal fruits of my labor in a bowl on my table, and my own hand-dipped candles gracing it, than to sit at a grand table with store-bought linen and candelabra...
That’s the difference. 


If we stay, the property will be made to help pay for itself, somehow. If we must leave, then a new head will be on my shoulders – one that says ‘pull yourself up by those boot straps!’ There is a certain freedom with starting over, too. I will remember the world is full of opportunities for the grasping – I will remember the brass ring on this carousel (of life)!

Things are complicated today, and I have no heart left for the politics of it all, but I can tell you the fence I’m on right now feels like this:

‘Will you have moonflowers or morning glories'?
 It seems you can’t have both... and, you may not choose.
[Whatever happens, will happen because Fate has taken the choice from your hand.] But both are nice in their own ways. 

So whatever ends up to be- 'you will move into it gracefully and work with it until you  like it, you will make something of it that surpasses what it would have been alone, without you’.

(The old lemons from lemonade trick!)

No, no one can take everything away from you. 
Whatever you relinquish, it isn’t you, you don’t lose you. You can always remake yourself anyway. It's your life and your vision, your passion, your sweat.
There are always new dreams to dream, and no one can take your dreams away, if you keep a dream tucked down deep in your heart.

Even at a crossroads, a heartsong remains a dream you must chase. 
For me, the question still remains as to what act on now, what to pursue, and in what order. 


What stands in your way?



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