These days it all flows to a song in D Minor



Take a listen to see what the beat of life feels like (for me) these days:
"Adagio in D Minor" 

How does it make YOU feel? What music best typifies your days lately?


I have 80 kinds of seeds but no garden to start - we're moving again, so I dare not start any of them.It's disappointing, but you know last year's garden was a bust, even with a 9" cabbage that weighed 4 lbs! 
(it took all month to eat it, so the other 3 went to the chickens, lol.)





And here was one of the 4 sugar pie pumpkins (none ever got ripe)... and there's the garter snake!


I want to have time and place RIGHT next time. 
Obviously even adding $$$ to the dirt isn't enough if the weather is unseasonably cool and the clay is so unforgiving. We can't just move, and plop seed into the ground and get lucky.

The seeds we had were all for heat and drought, (because that's what we've been having for 3 years), plus some "plant in the fall cool-weather" crops, and those were ALL that we had ALL SUMMER!) 
We only got 3 ears of corn... as pretty as they are! (Rocky Mountain Painted corn):


I know now to have both drought resistant (which is what we had), plus and Siberian /German cold-tolerant seeds ... one  kind for too hot and one for too cold... because the weather is strange and simply unpredictable!


I promised not to write posts when my emotions are running high or hard or hot... but as you can see by the lack of recent posts, that leaves very few days, lol! 

I talk to a lot of people in our community every day (I run an appointment desk from home), and it seems that everyone is trying their best to keep a smile pasted on... but that's just it, the smiles are not lasting because they don't come from the heart. Beneath the smile, hearts are heavy, heads are weary; the days are uncertain so the nights are hard.

I've always been what they term 'an eternal optimist'. My daughter has even accused me of being all "unicorns and skittles". But I'm not a creature of faith anymore, I need reasons for hope. Even though I can still 'count blessings', find joy in a moment, or a sunset... have health, and my Muse isn't dead yet (though by rights she should be), I still don't see any reasons to feel optimistic, and I've nothing to pin any hopes on.

There's nothing much different from a year ago (other than my parents are now living in Calif., instead of with us). This rental is going on the market so we have to move again, but that might be a blessing in disguise - this 10 acres is overrun with prairie dogs (and rattlers!) and we need to downsize anyway. And I'll make the most of it, if we can just find a place! 

I think I'm having trouble with the concept of downsizing; I have lost so much already that giving up more voluntarily is really hard! Everything left is precious! (Not really, but letting anything go, when I have "sacrificed enough"...and I have very little as it is, since I hate clutter.

Could it simply be the winter doldrums? I don't see how - we've had sunny spring weather for a week (VERY strange high temps for mid-winter!) 
Last time they got into the 50's here in February was in 1965. Seems that can hardly be blamed on global warming, since the oddity occurred so far back... and last winter it was "polar vortex cold" (-18 for days) in mid-December! 

Even without the mountain in our view here, it's always inspiring to look outside.
Elk! Part of a herd of 40 or more.... just wishing for one good day pic of the huge bull elk! 

Did get a young mule deer buck though....

(You already know I am ALWAYS looking at the sky!)







I guess I'm just not finding a vision to reach and stretch toward. I'm not engaged in any passionate pursuits, not indulging myself in the arts, or in craft, or anything else (like gardening). And yes, moving does have something to do with it, because I don't feel settled, or secure.
Perhaps it's that feeling of insecurity behind everything that keeps me from getting absorbed in something deep, or frivolous (words like that tend to explain art). 

It doesn't seem logical, does it - it seems one would prefer, or even crave, to bury oneself in something - a distraction of any kind! But damn the artist for being so sensitive! 
Heck, it took me YEARS to learn to write (creatively) when the sun was out!
(I was willing, it was my Muse who was picky!)

I've kept up with monthly chores and daily agendas - things to help me to keep moving forward. Learned to make flour tortillas (without a tortilla press) Ended up making 6 dozen in a week..:

They weren't as good as store-bought, but I got really mad about paying $7 for 16 tortillas
And I am getting beautiful eggs, that are getting larger every week! But, maybe we'll downsize that too. 

I figured out some creative pursuits that don't take much time (thanks be to the internet)- momentary distractions... something sweet for someone else is the easiest way to brighten your day. And I like a little thing to do while hubby is watching the latest politcal/financial stuff on TV (youtube) in the evenings!
Maybe I'll take up crochet or embroidery again. Maybe some sweet little thing like this:

Sorry, this little bird pillow, "The Button Collector no. 98 Button Bird Pillow" by  eggagogo on Etsy was sold...  $40. But don't ya just love it?!

...or try my hand at butterflies (lots of color lends cheer, no?) Besides - easy to cover up any mistakes, lol. For now, I've been cutting them out of cardstock and using them every which way I can!




....and I AM still finishing the western story for my Dad (I write for an hour at least 3x a week.) I'd do more but my space heater cord melted when I used it in the coop for a week... and it gets so cold in here my fingers freeze. A little at a time... and I'm almost finished.

Anyway, life goes on and you learn to carve out little moments in the spaces between the obstacles, and you work as hard for the dollar as you do to stretch them, and if you're really dedicated to the effort you can keep the fears and tears at bay.

What are you doing to stretch your dollars  - or to stretch yourself? Which seems most important or urgent to you these days? What is your biggest challenge and how do you approach that?

That reminds me, it's time to get the hens locked up and do the real stretching of the day (yoga workout). 

Catch me up on how things are for you, here at the mid-winter pause!








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